A decade ago this month I began a 10-year odyssey that began with one, of many, life changing decisions; most of which resulted in the opposite of what I intended for both my financial and personal well-being.
Instead of dwelling on “Why me? Why me?”, I grasped (in a strangle-hold) the viewpoint that life presents lessons. Until we learn the lesson life continues to present the challenge. Well, for the last 10 years there were a couple of lessons life was determined that I learn – and evidently I am was a slow learner.
On January 18 I knew I was moving back to Texas. I didn’t “decide” to move back to Texas. I knew it was the right thing. For the last 4 years, since the collapse of another marriage, I’ve struggled with the decision to stay in Maine or move back home to Texas. With the husband now and ex-husband I had no family within 2000 miles. But I did have a couple of dear, close friends, several acquaintance friends and a business with which I had a co-dependent love-hate relationship. I knew decided to stay in Maine, building a life of my own and my business in Maine.
I love Lobsters. Really.
Maine is a fabulously beautiful place. I love Maine. I love the rugged beaches, the lighthouses, the lobster, the mountains and the clean air.
I love Portland, ME. I love the restaurants, I love the creative people and businesses and the fact that you can leave your house at 8:00 for PWM, arrive, park, go through security, grab a coffee and still have an hour before your 9:45 departure.
I love Maine. I also love my parents and my sister and brother. I exaggerated earlier. I did have family within 2000 miles of Maine – 1841 miles to be exact. Still, 1841 miles is a hell of a long way. Last fall I decided knew I needed to spend some time with my folks so arranged to be away and spend a couple of months in Texas over the holidays. A few weeks later preparing for a client call, I picked up a notebook to jot out a list of ‘to-dos’ and what came off the end of my pen was
I knew. I didn’t decide. I knew.
Wednesday a dear friend Suzanne (who is, by the way, going waaaay beyond the call of friendship duty) and I fly to Portland to sort, toss, pack and drive my worldly belongings back home to Texas. (Can you say GIRL ROAD TRIP~!!!??)
The lesson? I’ve been trying to put it into words. I’m not sure it’s possible. I’m not sure it’s a single lesson but an outlook. I’ve felt so unconnected for the past several years; like I had no roots. But I realized I do have roots and I’ve had them all along – just shallow and spread out over a lot of places and distance. I don’t need to grow new roots or find new places. I need to focus on the solid, strong roots I already have.
Those are in Texas. I know that’s right.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Lynnelle,
Been there! I moved to Seattle in 1984 with my then husband and 2 year old son. We seemed to have a wonderful life. We had another son in 1989 and raised both in Seattle. Then, as happened to you, my marriage failed, and I came to the exact realization as you have now.
I loved and still love the Pacific Northwest and visit often. I miss it every single day of my life and always will-I lived there a decade. I attempted to stay for two years after the divorce, then ties brought me back to Texas.
Just a secret between you and me: I still am not sure I made the right decision, but I am happy. Could I have been happy in Seattle? That remains an unanswered question forever. Bittersweet-moving from a coastal town as you are doing and as I have done. You know you will miss it, family is cherishable, and I look forward to seeing you soon!
Love,
Paula
Lynnelle, Texas’ gain is Maine’s loss! As someone who lived “away” and returned “home”, I know the power of that pull, especially as parents get older.
As you continue your big move, don’t underestimate the impact you’ve had here in Portland, or forget the positive changes that Portland’s made in you. We’re lucky to have shared the former, and the latter helped you reach the place you’re at now.
I’ll miss your energy, your warm smile and your way of looking at the world. Best of luck with the move, and happy homecoming to you!
Bob, that’s such a wonderful, generous note. Thank you so much. I’ll miss you and so many others that became my family away from home. Thank goodness for Facebook and Twitter… the NOW next best thing to being there.
Paula, you absolutely could have been happy in Seattle. Or Tacoma. Or St. Louis. Or… wherever you chose. Life is a series of choices and challenges. I firmly believe there is no right or wrong choice if you are following your heart. Today’s choice could be (and probably is) very different than tomorrow’s choice because life and new experiences happen in between. I look back 4 years ago when I decided to stay in Maine and have to catch myself when I think “I wish I would have come back to Texas then.” Yes, I would have been much, MUCH better off financially. But personally I’ve grown a tremendous amount and have made some lifelong friends I wouldn’t have without this experience.
Thank you for your comment. It’s good being home.
Lynnelle, I wish I had had that weird dream of mine a long time ago…..we certainly would have reconnected earlier! I share your love of Maine but after reading your article, one thing was clear….your heart is in Texas and by all means you should be where you are going to be happiest. It sounds as though you have some great friends in Portland so I am sure you will be back so plan on making Harpswell a stop also! I don’t know how long you plan on being in Portland but please let me know. We are going to be away for a few days ourselves but would love to try and connect with you before you leave.
I
Lynnelle,
Many years ago I ended up in the other Portland, with dreams of winter snow, steeling myself to writing ala Gary Snyder, only to find myself in a rainy coastal town, while all the snow was happening back east. Just when the weather started to turn in May, I came back east. I have never regretted that. Maine is a tough place to live and make a living, but there are many amazing people here. Unfortunately, now, there is one less. While I have had the pleasure, your joie d’vive and savoir faire were always a pleasure to share. The ancient Chinese have a blessing, “wishing you great good fortune.” We’ll keep the black flies and mud season here for you to enjoy.
When I’ve had enough of gray northern days, I ride around in my car singing JJ Walker’s “I wanna go home with the armadillos” as loudly, as off key as I can. Good luck.
Erik
Thank you, Erik. I’m so lucky to have been a part of the Portland community; South Portland specifically. Thank you for inviting me to be a part of the ‘official’ economic development community and for your support and friendship over the years. Yes, you can keep the black flies and mud. I’m enjoying the tulips and blossoming magnolias today. Come July I’m sure I’ll be gasping for breath in the 100 degree temperatures, but life is a compromise and what’s important is not what you give up. Continued success to you my friend. Thank you.
Susie, I know! I can’t believe you’ve been in Harpswell ALL THIS TIME! We’ll connect when I’m back this month. Glad you had the dream when you did and not a month later!